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Lifestyle Blog By Shauna Young

Understanding Female Friendship: What I’ve Learnt & Why I’m over the “Squad” Culture

Wednesday, September 26, 2018
fashion, lifestyle, female friendship, squad goals, Zara, H&M, fall fashion, fall style, outfit of the day, ootd, Montreal, Montreal fashion, Canadian blogger


Let’s talk about something we all go through, because there’s an epidemic of female friendships failing. 

I’ve gone through a lot of changes when it comes to friends. They all seem to start and end the same way. I would meet someone new and grow closer to that person and soon enough it  felt like this friendship would be inseparable and long-lasting…. and just as quickly it would be over. Just like that, the friendship that seemed like it would never end because it was an unbreakable bond would disappear and life would have to move on. 

Now in no way is this a “feel bad for me” or pity me post, it’s a topic that I’ve always wondered and personally struggled with, but I never felt like anyone else understood it. After a seeing a few other blog posts around the topic and other women coming forward with their experiences and struggles, I wanted to share my own thoughts on female friendships. 

fashion, lifestyle, female friendship, squad goals, Zara, H&M, fall fashion, fall style, outfit of the day, ootd, Montreal, Montreal fashion, Canadian blogger


The Year of the “Squad” 

I feel like lately social media has become a place where we are constantly seeing posts and photos relating to a “squad”. These squads are made up of a group of women who seem to be more like sisters, taking on the world together. I would look at these friendship groups and think to shows like Sex & the City and the storylines of a group of women growing together, sharing their crazy adventures as they support one another through life. 

I won’t lie, when I see these posts, I envy this type of friendship. I think I’ve always wanted a strong group of girlfriends who would stick together through good times and bad, and take on the world as we become successful in our own right…. But now that I say it out loud, it just seems ridiculous. We don’t know what goes on behind the scenes of those photos, and those “perfect moments” are probably not a genuine representation of true friendship. Again, we’ve fallen for the social media perfection trap that I, like many of you, have compared and felt inadequate to.  

But deep down those feelings of envy are real. I wish I had a squad of supportive women in my life and lately I’ve wondered if that would ever happen for me. It seems to be that as much as this is a time of women empowerment and coming together to be a strong voice, female friendship is still a concept that I don’t understand and haven't ever been successful at. 

My experience with female friendship has often ended due to lies and secrets, jealousy, backstabbing, etc. Now I am no angel in this and I don’t want to give the impression that I always was, but as I grow older I can’t help but wonder if us girls can ever grow together and be that support system we all need. 

Going to an all girls high school, you would think I would have left there with a group of female friends and it just wasn’t the case. What I’ve noticed is that girls will go after and blame other girls before really assessing a situation and figuring out what is actually wrong. Looking back I think to some of the arguments I had with other girls and a lot of times it dealt with someone being jealous or feeling push aside over new friendships and relationships. Instead of communicating and sharing our thoughts and emotions, we would just go straight for the attack. 

Friendships have died because of anger and resentment which looking back now, might have ended differently. Learning from those situations, I now know what is important in maintaining a strong friendship. I know what it takes to be as much of a good friend as what I expect from other people, because friendships like all relationships are a give and take. 

fashion, lifestyle, female friendship, squad goals, Zara, H&M, fall fashion, fall style, outfit of the day, ootd, Montreal, Montreal fashion, Canadian blogger

fashion, lifestyle, female friendship, squad goals, Zara, H&M, fall fashion, fall style, outfit of the day, ootd, Montreal, Montreal fashion, Canadian blogger


The 3 lessons I’ve Learnt About Being a Good Friend 

Cherish the Good Ones 
It’s normal to meet new people and build new relationships in your life, but a lesson that I’ve learnt is to never take any friend for granted. Don’t expect them to always stick around, if you’re not giving as much as you’re taking from them. Growing up, I made the mistake of wanting to meet new people and I went through times where I would treat those newer friendships with more attention than those who had been around for years. Cherish those people who you can turn to and offer them the same love and support they have given to you. Whether it’s a simple phone call or text to just see how they are, remind them that they matter because you know if you were in need they would be there for you. 

On the flip side, assess those newer friendships and evaluate whether those new people can be a good support system or are they more just a good acquaintance. It’s important to know who you can turn to and who you would be there for. 

Face to Face Conversation is so Important

Another common mistake that comes with growing up and learning how to deal with people and build friendships is learning the importance of communication. So often we get mad or we build something up in our minds of a situation that could be resolved by a conversation. Face to face communication is something that we as humans don’t do now. In the world of FaceTime and texting, there’s a higher chance of someone sending me a message over instagram DM than a phone call or meeting up in person. As great as technology is, I think its hindered our ability to really build true connections with people. With everything being public, you cannot equate liking someone's photo on Instagram to a conversation. Relationships need attention and that can really only be done through conversation. 

Again, make time for the people who mean something to you and this is a mistake I need to stop making. We’re not too busy for a coffee with a friend or even a dinner out. 

Learn the Importance of Empathy & Seeing the World from their Perspective

Now this is something that I’ve recently learnt and gone through and I think you only realize how bad it feels to be misunderstood or mistreated, until someone else doesn’t consider your feelings. As great as it is to be happy for yourself and make decisions for your own happiness, I think it’s time we take a step back and assess if we’re becoming too selfish. When your happiness comes from the hurt of someone else, that’s not pure happiness, that’s being selfish. A clear example is to not put a friend who matters to you on the back burner for something or someone else. See it from their point of view and how you would feel if you were that person… chances are you would change your actions and decision. 

This seems straight forward and you're probably thinking "I would never go out of my to hurt someone", but the greatest hurt in a friendship is when someone's feelings are just left out of the equation. It's about taking more time to think as opposed to just acting, even if the end result seems good to you. 


fashion, lifestyle, female friendship, squad goals, Zara, H&M, fall fashion, fall style, outfit of the day, ootd, Montreal, Montreal fashion, Canadian blogger

Looking to the Future: Find Your Tribe

It hasn’t been an easy road for me when it comes to female friendship. I've ruined friendships and I've also been mistreated, either way it's always someone you never expected it from. After all this time, it doesn’t matter whose fault it is or why the friendship ended, because it’s now a lesson learned. Instead, I’m looking to the future and appreciating those who are around me now. As great as it would be to have a girl gang that take cute photos together and always seem like they're having a great time, I think having genuine people who are in your corner is what should be the end goal. 

As fun as it would be to live out the fantasy of having a Sex & the City group of friends who go out for cocktails and dish on their lives, it’s exactly what I called it; a fantasy. Instead, focus on those around you and value their presence, because those people are your tribe. They are the people who make me feel comfortable to be my true self and push me to be better every day. They are the people who support every crazy thought and dream I might have. Those are the people I want to have for the rest of my life.

The moral of the post: find the tribe of people that are willing to be there for you as much as you are there for them. 

fashion, lifestyle, female friendship, squad goals, Zara, H&M, fall fashion, fall style, outfit of the day, ootd, Montreal, Montreal fashion, Canadian blogger

fashion, lifestyle, female friendship, squad goals, Zara, H&M, fall fashion, fall style, outfit of the day, ootd, Montreal, Montreal fashion, Canadian blogger


Outfit Details

White Shirt - H&M (Shop Here)
Sweater - H&M (Shop Similar)
Waistcoat - BCBG Max Azria (Discontinued)
Skirt - Zara (Shop Here)
Boots- Zara (Shop Similar)
Handbag - Longchamp (Shop Here)

1 comment:

  1. I actually really struggle to make friends, mainly because I am not part of a 'squad' so I really enjoyed reading this post and hearing your thoughts and tips. Thank you! x

    ReplyDelete