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Lifestyle Blog By Shauna Young

Millennials & Modern Dating: Why I’m Just Not Cut Out For It

Wednesday, February 14, 2018


Warning: This post contains high amounts of sarcasm and dry humour. 

In the world of online dating, swiping apps, and text messaging becoming the love letters of our generation, I can’t help but feel like I just don’t fit in this crazy world of “dating”. Even though I do count as a millennial, I mean here I am 23 years old with a degree I don’t use, working different jobs while hustling for my one dream goal and enjoying some avocado toast and peppermint green tea… I pretty much live up to the generalizations. But, I’m just going to be honest… I’ve basically been perpetually single since, ever. No this isn’t some pity post where I’m going to whine about my troubles in romance. Honestly if I could describe my life, it’s had everything BUT romance. I’ve dealt with the guys who want everything but to be in a relationship, those late night snapchats I rather not discuss, and the ones who just can’t seem to get the hint that I'm not interested. I’ve dealt with my fair share of BS without even changing my relationship status (which come to think of it, I’m still unsure is a thing people still do anymore). The rules of dating and finding “love” are all over the place and honestly I much rather stay home and hang out with my dog than try to figure it out. 




I grew up in an environment where my family never really pushed the whole having a boyfriend and marriage scenario. I was always taught to be a strong independent woman, and this mind set worked well for me until I reached college and university. I spent those years being told  “You’re too intimidating”,  “Why are you so uptight”, or my favourite “Your standards are too high”. Over time, it all started to affect my self-esteem which led to many bad decisions and wasted years of my life chasing after people who didn't deserve my attention in the first place. Near the end of my degree in university, I had an "Aha" moment when everything just clicked. No longer was I self-conscious about knowing what I want and most of all knowing what I deserve. I wasn’t too uptight for having standards, in fact I feel like now is the time where standards should be higher than ever. With unlimited options for dating just on your phone alone, maybe we’re all a little too dating crazy. This reminds me of a quote from a movie considered a classic of my generation - Clueless. “I’m not a prude, I’m just highly selective”. When I think of what lengths people go to now to meet someone, I can’t help but think dating has become a sport. People will go out every night and use every possible resource to strengthen their chances of meeting their "perfect match". Just like an olympic athlete training day in and day out, I know people who use countless dating apps and will go out as often as possible in hopes of achieving their endgame… but why are we so worried about being single in the first place? Dating is supposed to be light and fun, not a business interview where you grill someone to figure out if marriage and kids are on or off of  the table. I get it, we all want our fairytale ending, but I just don’t think my prince charming is going to be found spending hours swiping on Tinder. 

When I Think About Modern Dating...

I realize that I’ve grown to be comfortable being on my own. I live for my routine and some could argue that I don’t push myself to be more outgoing. But when I sit down and look at how people are getting into relationships or trying to find their way on the dating scene… I just don’t get it and more importantly I’m not cut out for it.  




Here’s Why I’m Unbothered and Uninterested in Modern Dating. 


Majority of Apps are for Hook Ups 

I never thought we would ever reach a point where swiping a certain direction would decide who we “match up” with. Let’s face it, majority of people are using these apps to find their next hook up. They could also be a great source of entertainment with friends for a good couple of hours. People aren’t trying to get to know one another, it’s all based on the life we’ve created online and the posed photographs that we’ve shared with the public. Real life isn’t just made up of those perfectly posed moments. If anything, these apps seem more like what I would use to narrow down my choices when online shopping. Swipe right if you want to purchase the handbag or swipe left to remove it from your cart. Nothing about it seems real. 


Have we all forgotten about "Stranger Danger" 
With the real world moving more towards our online profiles, I can’t help but think of all the tv shows and talks I had as a child about “stranger danger”. You know those “meet cute” moments in romantic comedies where the two characters meet in a serendipitous way in public that ultimately leads them to love and being together forever… yeah that’s not quite how it happens in real life. The few times I’ve been approached in public, it’s usually some creep who can’t seem to take no for an answer and thinks if they just keep complimenting you, that you’ll give them your number. And then there’s the guys online who think sending extremely inappropriate messages over instagram or facebook messenger is the way to my heart. At least Tom Hanks was charming in You’ve Got Mail! After all the episodes of CatFish, Criminal Minds, and Law & Order, no matter how comfortable everyone else seems meeting strangers online or giving away personal information, I just don’t ever see myself being okay with it.

The Bar Scene is far from Tempting

I feel like I’ve completely skipped over the point in my life where you go out for drinks at a bar with friends. I did the club scene for a short period of time and well that’s not really a place to meet anyone. It’s loud, people have no sense of personal space, and to be honest I care more about having a good time. Since then, I’ve basically jumped straight to living my best grandma life. Getting home, having dinner, then 7 o’clock tea and jeopardy. Most nights are spent catching up on my favourite shows and being in bed by 10 pm. I also don’t consider myself much of a drinker anymore. Between training for competition seasons and just not enjoying how I feel after drinking too much, it’s not often that I actually go out for drinks (if at all). If I do end up going out, it will most likely be for the purpose of catching up with friends, so I want to enjoy my time with them, not looking to hook up with whoever else might be there (and to be honest the idea of small talk with strangers really isn’t my forte and actually creates anxiety). All in all, this situation just doesn’t add up as a fun night for me. The few experiences I’ve had where friends have forced me to be social led to a night out that I could have better enjoyed in the comfort of my home.  

When I look at what I want out of life, I could easily list a number of goals and dreams that don’t include meeting someone. I’m just enjoying where my life is right now. Pursuing all of my goals and dreams that I ignored for so long has brought me a sense of fulfillment and happiness that I don’t need from anyone else. I’m not completely closed off to the idea of meeting someone, but when I look at my life, I as a person am not lacking anything because I’m single. If anything I feel like life has been easier and better for me without having to worry about somebody else. Call me selfish, but I’ve seen too many people give up their goals or change who they are to please the person they’re with. If someone comes into my life and it works, all the better! I just know I have so much more to be thankful for and work towards even if I’m single. 


Those are my sarcastic thoughts on modern dating and I hope it brought some comic relief for all us single people on Valentine’s Day. 

12 comments:

  1. Girl...I like your mindset! A strong independent woman is what you should be, plus you are young and need to take your time finding the "one." The one that you will grow old with and the one that will be your best friend, partner and rock. Take your time! I don't blame you for steering clear of today's modern dating world. It's just awful. Nobody even talks anymore and spends WAY too much time on their phone texting and "miscommunicating." I do believe in serendipity and that it will all fall into place at the right time. Plan to be surprised... I met my husband in the Bahamas while on vacation and I am where and who I am meant to be with. :)

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    1. Oh what a lovely way to meet! Thank you for the comment :)

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  2. Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I'm not the only millennial who is so put off by the modern dating scene! It can be so tough to find someone when you don't want to go looking on these hook up apps, going to bars, etc. Why must it be so hard?! lol!

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    1. I wish I had the answer to that question lol!

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  3. I'm in my early 30s and married but if not, yah, I don't think I'd be cut out for those dating apps either! You keep doing you and chasing your goals...and avocado toast :)

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  4. I love this. I started writing with the same sass about a sort of dating handbook like "if youre dating a guy who does this.....leave" stuff

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  5. I am in my early 30's and married but the other day I was thinking if something happened to my husband well I would be better off joining a convent then ever dating again lol. I mean what ever happened to running into a cute guy at a coffee shop, why does it have to be so techy? I am old fashion though, I love hand written notes and newspapers on Sunday morning! But!! My advice to you is just keep doing what your doing! Why be in a hurry is right! When the time is right you will run into that special someone and wont be able to stop thinking of them and when you see them your heart with feel as though it turns into a bunch of butterflies, yet at the same time talking to them will be like talking to an old friend simple and easy. Enjoy your life hun, you only get one!

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  6. I love your ideas on modern dating. I think it’s fabulous you are being independent and living life. That’s what you should be doing. Enjoy it when you meet someone it will naturally happened. But definitely be social and have fun -Chastity

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  7. We live in the world full of love and affection. It is great to love and to be loved by someone. tao of badass reviews

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